Rage, to me, is among the most visceral emotions one can experience. It is the fastest transformation of the soul. While its manifestation has matured with age, what rage feels like in my body has remained the same since I was a child. I am overcome and I am helpless. Rage is wanting to dramatically throw plate after plate as it breaks into a perfect million pieces; it is wanting to scream but still convincing everyone with your beautiful articulation of the greatest injustice in the world; it is wanting to jaywalk on the road as all the world’s cars come to a screeching halt; it’s wanting to scream so loud and feeling so helpless that you are crying.
It’s the most self-absorbed emotion, no? Unlike desire or sorrow, it centres solely on my experience and my felt sense of injustice. And still, it’s also communal. My anger; my injustice cannot exist without you, the wrongdoer. Agnes Callard calls this the ‘uncanny intimacy of anger’.
“Though you can’t stand to be near me, it is also true that no one could be closer to you than me. I have infiltrated the patterns of your thought; I have my fingers on your heartstrings; I have even been put in charge of your sense perception: you see traces of me everywhere you look. You complain about me to anyone who will listen, and when no one will listen you shout at a mental effigy of me. I’ve colonized your fantasy life. Holding me responsible involves an embrace, albeit an adversarial one.”
Agnes Callard
Rage is among the most important emotions in the world. Most broken relationships carry anger for years after because, without repair, our anger lives on forever. Well articulated rage can drive and sustain war efforts far beyond what an army can feasibly handle because of rage’s communal power.
And yet, I’ve always distanced myself from it. Even when I’m taken over by impassioned anger, I perform it as pragmatic disagreement complete with composure without a hint of irrationality. When someone thinks of me, I want my portrait to signal: kind, smart, funny, practical, wise. I do not want: “will get very upset if you upset her”.
Therefore, it’s no surprise that Shreya, author of Bread Factory and my bestie of ~10 years, is here to take me to school on my bullshit. She’s among the most attentive and gentle listeners I know, and a solid person to think ‘bigly’ about small things. We speak about where anger takes its meaning from, what it means to us, and much more. Among the questions we ask are:
What does rage feel like physiologically, and psychologically?
Righteous vs petty rage
Who gets to be mad?
What comes after rage?
What is the opposite of rage?
What helps with anger? What doesn’t?
“..I think a lot of rage comes from impotence; from feeling like our agency has been thwarted in some way because we haven’t been allowed to do something that we should be able to do.”
shreya
I hope you’ll listen to our conversation and take something from it - a reframing of your own (or someone else’s) anger, a memory from when you were pissed over something ‘petty’, or a simple laugh about how ridiculous we both are. I wish for you to enjoy any time you spend graciously listening to us.
Something more
The Guest House
by Rumi, Translated by Coleman Barks
This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they’re a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.
Footnotes
Chake de India, fight scene referenced by Shreya. It’s titled “girl power”. Take from that what you will.
That’s all for this edition of Uno’s Thought Scramble. Thank you for making it so far. If you liked this, let me know. If you have ✨thoughts✨, let me know. If you hated it, please leave me alone.
~
Taking in some sun and lots of love,
Uno
Share this post